It’s never this easy.

Are you okay?

Today was …  today. I’ll let Patton handle the next part.

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, “Well, I’ve had it with humanity.”

But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

- Patton Oswalt

People are great. Assholes are the exception, not the rule. Everyday, I see someone acting like a turd and think, “What an asshole!” But at the end of the day, I can never fathom any of those people committing what was done this afternoon. Whoever’s responsible for the tragedy in Boston is truly the lowest thing the we, the human race, can ever produce. But the rest of us are pretty cool.

“The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every fucking day.”

- Jon Stewart

 

Wait – I can just post my vines here!?

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The Harlem Shake. It brings all the boys to the yard.

This “Harlem Shake” thing. It’s beyond words, and I can’t stop watching videos of it. Now I feel obliged to do one. All I need is more than three friends.

The “original”:

Some other dudes in a room:

In office spaces:

Even Norway’s finest:

And this Father/Son duo, because it’s awesome parenting:

It’s my friend’s birthday. I don’t have Photoshop, nor am I any good at it. But since I like fiddling around on my computer, I found out a while back that you can do some pretty neat things with Preview.

Image

My friend’s in a band. He plays the bass. Get it?

Cheatstrong

It was cool for a bit. Most of us wore one. Around 80 million of them were sold, ‘cuz you know, cancer. At least he didn’t lie about the cancer. But if Lance did, I think we can all agree that his nuts are fair game – the most dangerous game.

I am invincible, and so can you.

As a person who performs stand-up comedy*, I’m always self-conscious about my stage presence. I figure that I just need to get up on stage as often as possible. But apparently, you can just train stage fright and embarrassment out of you. You know– provided you’re an unbelievably talent performer first. Fuckin’ Colbert… being amazing…

*I’m not calling myself a stand-up comedian without feeling like the biggest asshole.

An evening with Colbert & the Report.

To officially release America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren’t, Stephen Colbert and the Colbert Report writers held a quick Q&A and a longsigning at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square.

From L-R: Jay Katsir, Tom Purcell, Opus Moreschi, Barry Julien, Eric Drysdale, Meredith Scardino, Rob Dubbin, Frank Lesser, Stephen Colbert. (Not pictured: Glenn Eichler, Rich Daum)

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The Last Supper of Funny-Jew-Christ

Click to enlarge

Look at Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman laugh it up in good company. Mel Brooks is either sad or not having any of it. He might get betrayed by his best friend, then be publicly told he’s not funny.

via Jonah Ray’s tumblr

I come bearing GIFs, WITH SOUND!

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